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THE GARTER AND THE GAVEL

The burlesque show in the court room.



This painting by Will Bullas of Carmel CA reminds me of a recent courtroom proceedings in Manhattan.


I was seated in court, bored out of my skull listening to legalese ping-pong between lawyers. Suddenly, the judge slams the gavel a little too hard, and instead of the usual "order in the court," a spotlight snaps on, and BAM! …

A drumbeat fills the room.


Hold on, is that... a feather boa slithering across the judge's bench?  Nope, it was Miss Scarlet Verdict, the burlesque performer (with a para-legal degree), here to spice things up.

This, my friends, is the bizarre world of courtroom burlesque.


Why? Well, the reasons could be as wacky as the situation. Maybe a lawyer's desperate for a win and figures a little shimmy might sway the jury.

Or perhaps it's a fundraiser gone rogue, with the bailiff moonlighting as a burlesque emcee (don't judge! Everyone's got a side hustle these days).


Or is it an election campaign stunt?

The performance itself could be a riot. Picture a sassy rendition of "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" during a bitter divorce case, or a playful tease with legal jargon thrown in, just to lighten the mood in a custody battle.


Heck, a powerful striptease shedding societal expectations could make a political statement about trans-gender roles in a discrimination lawsuit.

Now, the audience reaction is pure gold.

The judge may appear scandalized, or might end up chuckling.


The jury, yes there’s a jury, are wide-eyed and bewildered, finds themselves swayed by both the arguments and the sequined gloves.  Even the lawyers, those normally stoic creatures, might loosen up a bit, a hint of amusement crinkling the corners of their eyes.


Of course, this thing goes south faster than a stiletto heel on a wet floor.  Imagine a judge throwing the book (literally) at the performer for contempt, or a jury so offended they walk out.   The line between satire and disrespect is thinner than a burlesque dancer's veil.

But hey, if done right, a burlesque show in court could be legendary.  Even if it's a disaster, wouldn't it be a story for the ages.


A burlesque show in a courtroom is a wild idea that throws tradition out the window. Everyone comes out as a winner.

 

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